Talking to Parents About a Plan

Learning purpose: Staff should understand why the word “plan” lands badly, and open the conversation in a way that does not confirm a parent’s worst reading of it.

JLK practice standard: We open with what the plan is, not with what prompted it. The incident is evidence; the plan is the point.

Most parents hear “plan” and think one of two things:

• “Something is wrong with my child.”
• “They think I’m a bad parent.”

That is doubly true of a behaviour plan, because behaviour feels like character in a way that a speech target does not. A parent who hears either of those things spends the rest of the conversation defending — and a parent who is defending is not helping you write the plan.

Key staff expectations:

• Lead with what the plan is, not the incident that prompted it.
• Describe what we will do, not what the child is.
• Give two examples, not a list. A list reads as a case against the child.
• Never use diagnosis words. “Aggressive”, “defiant”, “ADHD” are not ours to say.
• Say it is reviewed, and that it ends when it works.

Practical scenario: Amina has pushed twice this week when another child took a toy. Her key person opens with “Amina’s having a hard time when toys get taken — I’d like us to agree what we all do when it happens, so she gets the same response from everyone.” Not with “Amina’s been aggressive again.” Same two incidents, completely different conversation.

• I open with what the plan is, not with the incident that prompted it
• I describe what we will do, rather than what the child is
• I give two examples and move on, instead of listing everything that went wrong

Learning purpose: Staff should be able to say the five reassurances in their own words, and know exactly where the reassurance stops.

JLK practice standard: We promise only what we can keep. A promise broken later does more damage than one never made.

The five:

• It is not a label. “This isn’t a diagnosis and it isn’t a label. It’s a written plan for what we do.”
• It tracks the support, not the child. “It’s so everyone in the room does the same thing, and so we can see in a few weeks whether it’s working.”
• It is meant to end. “We review it every few weeks. When it’s working, it ends.” A plan is scaffolding, not a permanent record.
• It stays with us. “It’s ours, for the room. It doesn’t go anywhere else.”
• School only if they want it. “When they move on, it only goes to school if you want it to — and some parents do, because it saves the new teacher starting from scratch.”

That last one is our published promise, not a kindness you are inventing. The JLK privacy notice says information is shared with schools upon consent from the parents, to support the move. You can say it with confidence.

Practical scenario: A parent says “I don’t want this on his record following him around.” You answer the fear, not the sentence: “It isn’t a record that follows him. It’s ours, for this room, and we review it — when it’s working it stops. When he moves to school it only goes with him if you want it to.”

• I can say all five reassurances in my own words, without reading them
• I know the school promise is in our privacy notice, and depends on the parents’ consent
• I never promise a plan stays with us no matter what — safeguarding works differently and I say so

Learning purpose: Staff should know where and when to have the conversation, how to involve the parent in writing the plan, and what to do if the parent is upset or says no.

JLK practice standard: Parents who helped write a plan follow it. Parents who were handed one often do not.

Three things that make it land:

• Not at the door, not at pick-up. Five minutes somewhere quiet, arranged — not with a coat half on and other parents behind them.
• Ask before you tell. “What do you see at home?” first. You will often learn the thing that makes the plan work.
• Name something the child is good at, and mean it. Not as a softener before bad news — a plan built only on what goes wrong will miss the thing that fixes it.

Instead of … try:

• “He’s being aggressive” → “Twice this week he’s pushed when somebody took a toy.”
• “She needs a behaviour plan” → “I’d like us to agree a plan, so she gets the same response from all of us.”
• “Is anything going on at home?” → “Is there anything going on for her at the moment that would help us understand it?”
• “We have to put this on record” → “I’ll write down what we agree, so nothing gets lost when I’m not in.”

If they get upset. Let it happen. Do not rush to the next sentence or start justifying. Most upset is fear, and fear passes if it is not argued with. Then go back to what the plan is for.

If they say no. A parent can decline a plan. What they cannot decline is us doing our job, and the two are not the same thing: we still adapt what we do in the room, and we still record what we see. Say so plainly, without a stand-off — “That’s alright. We’ll keep doing what helps and I’ll keep you posted, and if you change your mind the door’s open.” Then tell the SENCo or your manager, who decides what happens next.

Practical scenario: A father cuts you off: “He’s three. He doesn’t need a plan, he needs you to watch him properly.” You do not defend the room. “That’s fair — and watching him properly is exactly what this is. It’s a page saying what we all do when it happens, so he gets the same thing from everyone. Can I show you what I’d put on it?”

• I arrange five quiet minutes rather than raising it at the door or at pick-up
• I ask what the parent sees at home before I tell them what we see
• If a parent declines a plan I say we will still support the child, and I tell the SENCo or my manager