Module 1
The JLK Voice — Warm, Respectful, Curious
~7 min
Learning purpose: Every child at JLK is spoken to the same warm, respectful way — regardless of shift, room, or which practitioner is on. The voice is what makes JLK feel like JLK.
JLK practice standard: The JLK voice is warm, respectful, and curious. We get to their level. We use their name. We notice-and-name instead of praise-and-judge. We say the feeling before the fix.
The five things every JLK practitioner does:
1 · Get to eye level
Crouch, kneel, sit — never speak to a child from your standing height about something important. Being tall over them is a power move, even when you don't mean it to be. Get down. Their feet see your face. Their eyes meet yours.
- Morning arrival — crouch at the door: "Good morning, Kai. I love your sparkly shoes today" — not "Hi!" from behind the sign-in desk.
- Snack time — sit at the table with them, not hover behind. Ask "Would you like a little more?" at their eye level.
- Big feeling — kneel BEFORE you speak. The physical shift down to their height signals "I'm with you" before your words do.
- Corridor moment — never speak to a child about something important over your shoulder while walking. Stop. Turn. Kneel. Then speak.
2 · Use their name
"Good morning, Aisha" — not "hello darling", not "good morning everyone". Their name is the sound they've been hearing since birth. Using it says: I saw you. Specifically you.
- Inviting into play — "Aisha, would you like to join us? We're building a train track" — not "who wants to build?" to the group.
- Redirecting behaviour — "Kai, blocks are for building" — their name pulls their attention BEFORE the correction, so they hear the message.
- Small notice — "I saw that, Priya" — one specific child sees they were seen, which lands deeper than a group "well done".
- Handover to parent — "Amelie had a lovely long play in the water tray today, didn't you Amelie?" — bringing her into the conversation instead of talking over her.
3 · Notice-and-name, don't praise-and-judge
Instead of "aren't you clever?" or "good boy!" — describe what you saw them do. "You kept trying with that puzzle even when it fell. That's persistence." Praise creates fragile children who need to keep being clever. Noticing creates children who trust what they can do.
- Puzzle finished: "You looked at the shape really carefully before you tried it in the hole" — not "Aren't you clever!"
- Sharing: "You gave Amelie a turn even though you were still using it — you noticed she was waiting" — not "Good sharing!"
- Comforting a peer: "You noticed she was sad and you brought her the blanket" — not "Well done for helping"
- Persistence: "The tower kept falling but you kept trying — that's what building is" — not "You're so smart"
- Skill: "You held the crayon really firmly this time. Look at that line you made" — not "Beautiful drawing"
4 · Say the feeling before the fix
A child is upset. Before you offer a solution — name what you see. "You're really sad that Amelie went home." Then you can help. The feeling is the thing. Skipping it teaches children their feelings don't count.
- Fell over: "Oh — that looked painful. Are you OK?" — not "You're fine, up you get"
- Angry: "You're really angry. Something didn't feel fair" — then wait for their answer
- Frustrated with a toy: "That's tricky, isn't it? It's really hard when it won't work" — before helping them fix it
- Overwhelmed: "You look tired. Would you like somewhere quiet for a bit?" — offers a way out without judgement
- Missing a parent: "You're really missing Mummy right now. It's OK to miss her. She's coming back at snack time"
- Jealous of a peer: "That looked hard to watch. You wanted to be the one holding it too"
5 · The whisper voice for hard moments
When something big has happened — a child is dysregulated, another is watching — lower your voice, don't raise it. Whispering pulls a child closer. Shouting pushes them further away. The JLK response to intensity is quiet.
- Story time — one child not settling: whisper as you go over: "Kai, come sit with me by this bit" — quiet is more interesting than loud.
- After a hit: whisper to the child who hit: "That hurt them. Show me with your hands what you needed" — the drop in volume calms them faster than raising yours.
- Corridor moment — a child running: crouch on their route, whisper their name — surprise + quiet stops them, shouting makes them run faster.
- Big feeling in a busy room: whisper "Come with me — let's find somewhere quieter to talk about this" and offer a hand.
💭 Reflection prompt: Which of those five feels most natural to you? Which do you have to think about every time?
Module 2
The 13 JLK Swaps — What We Say Instead
~12 min
Learning purpose: Certain phrases are so common in adult-to-child language that we don't even hear them any more. But children do — and these ones shape self-worth in ways that stay with them long after they leave us. The good news: each one has a JLK version that lands warmer, teaches better, and takes about the same number of words.
JLK practice standard: These 13 swaps are the everyday JLK voice — from every practitioner, in every room, on every shift. Read them out loud. Practise the JLK version until it comes out first, without thinking.
✨ 1 · "You worked really hard on that"
Notice the effort, not the child. Name the specific action — trying, keeping going, persisting — so the child builds confidence in what they can do rather than in being praised as a person.
- "You didn't give up when the piece kept falling."
- "You kept trying. That's what learning looks like."
- "You did that really carefully. Look at that line."
❌ Instead of: "Good boy / good girl" — praises the child as a person, builds a fragile identity, and is gendered.
✨ 2 · Name the action, describe the impact
When behaviour is unsafe or unkind, name the SPECIFIC action + its impact + what to do instead. This teaches the skill instead of labelling the child.
- "Hitting hurts. Show me with your hands what you needed."
- "Blocks are for building. Throwing hurts people. You can build here or throw the soft balls outside."
- "That paint is for the paper. If you'd like to paint the wall, we can do that outside."
❌ Instead of: "Naughty" — a label that sticks to the child, not the moment. Shame doesn't teach the skill.
✨ 3 · Just name the feeling
When a child is having a hard time, name what you see. No gender, no development pressure, no "big enough to cope". Just what's happening.
- "You're finding this really hard."
- "This is a big feeling. I'm here."
- "Your body's telling me you need a break. Shall we find somewhere quiet?"
❌ Instead of: "Big boy / big girl" — weaponises development, gendered, often used to shame a child for having a real feeling.
✨ 4 · Validate the feeling, THEN help
The feeling always comes before the fix. Naming it out loud tells the child their inner world is real. Fixing before naming teaches them their feelings don't count.
- "You're really sad. It's OK to cry. I'm here."
- "That was scary. Your heart's beating fast. I've got you."
- "You wanted to keep playing. It's hard to stop."
❌ Instead of: "Don't cry" · "There's no need to cry" — dismisses the feeling and teaches children their emotions aren't valid.
✨ 5 · Give a one-sentence reason
Children live up to the respect we show them. A short, real reason costs you nothing and teaches them the world has patterns they can trust.
- "Blocks are for building — throwing them hurts people."
- "We wash our hands before snack so we don't put germs in our tummies."
- "It's tidy-up time so we can all sit down together for story."
❌ Instead of: "Because I said so" — teaches obedience-to-authority, which is not what JLK is for.
✨ 6 · Get curious
Whatever a child is doing has a reason — even when it looks strange to an adult. Curiosity opens the moment; dismissiveness closes it.
- "I see you're doing X — tell me about it?"
- "What are you making?"
- "What's your plan for those blocks?"
❌ Instead of: "You're being silly" — dismissive, and it usually says more about the adult's patience than the child's behaviour.
✨ 7 · Notice something specific
Describe what they DID. Concrete, observable, in your own words. It lands deeper than any compliment because it proves you were paying attention.
- "You looked at the picture and worked out where the piece went."
- "You listened to Sami and waited until he was finished."
- "You noticed the red car was missing a wheel — you found the wheel and fixed it."
❌ Instead of: "Aren't you clever?" — creates children who need to keep being clever to feel loved, so they stop trying rather than risk failing.
✨ 8 · Handle it here — warmly with parents later
Whatever happened, we work through it here with the child. Anything worth mentioning to parents we share warmly at handover — as a partnership, not a report card.
- To the child: "This isn't OK. Let's find a way to make it right together."
- At handover: "Kai had a tough moment after lunch — he pushed Sami. We talked about it and had a cuddle. Just wanted you to know."
❌ Instead of: "I'm going to tell your mummy" — turns handover into a threat, makes parents feel tattled to, teaches children fear instead of accountability.
✨ 9 · Move to a quieter space
When something big is happening, reduce the audience — not the child's dignity. Every moment can be private, even in a busy room.
- "Come with me — let's find somewhere quieter to talk about this."
- Sitting on the reading rug: "Just you and me for a minute."
- Cuddle in the book corner, back to the room.
❌ Instead of: Public shaming ("Look everyone, X is crying") — turns a private moment into a group spectacle.
✨ 10 · Stay with this child
Focus on the child in front of you and what this specific moment is asking of them. Their pace isn't anyone else's pace.
- "This one is hard. Let's try it together."
- "You'll get there. Everyone learns this at their own time."
- "Show me what you've done so far."
❌ Instead of: Comparison ("Aisha managed it, why can't you?") — creates competition where there should be community.
✨ 11 · Name the difficulty + offer help
When something feels too hard for a child, our job is to sit next to it with them and offer the ladder. Never to shame their struggle.
- "This is really hard for you right now. I'm going to help."
- "Would it help if I did the first one and then you did the next?"
- "Let's break this into small pieces together."
❌ Instead of: "Stop being a baby" — uses "baby" as an insult (which shapes how children see the actual babies at JLK), and shames the child for having a struggle.
✨ 12 · Say what you mean, warmly
Sarcasm is only funny to the person delivering it. Under-fives can't decode it; older children hear it as being made fun of. Warm-and-plain is always the JLK register.
- "I can see you really want to keep playing. It's time to tidy up now."
- "I need you to hear this bit. Are you ready?"
- "That's a really big feeling. I'm going to sit here while you have it."
❌ Instead of: Sarcasm at any age — it's for the adult's benefit, never the child's.
✨ 13 · Name the specific thing + offer what to do
"No thank you" is a soft-correction habit — polite in intent, but a filler that loses meaning when it's used for everything. It also teaches nothing: "thank you" is for gratitude, not stopping. The JLK version names the SPECIFIC issue + gives the child what to do instead. Clarity is kinder than politeness.
- Grabbing a toy: "That's Sami's right now. If you want a turn, you can say 'my turn next'."
- Climbing on chairs / tables: "Chairs are for sitting. Feet on the floor please."
- Rough hands: "Hands are gentle. Show me gentle hands."
- Throwing food: "Food stays on the plate. If you're finished, you can tell me and we'll go and wash hands."
- Running inside: "Walking feet inside. Running is for outside."
- Interrupting: "I can hear you. When [Ali] has finished, it's your turn to talk."
- When it really is a no: just "No" — warmly, at eye level, once. "No" is a full sentence. Sometimes children need the clear boundary without the fluff.
❌ Instead of: "No thank you" — polite reflex, but children hear a phrase they associate with gratitude used to stop them. Over time it becomes background noise and they tune it out.
💭 Reflection prompt: Which of the 13 JLK versions feels most natural to you already? Which one do you need to practise out loud, in the mirror, so it comes out first next time? (For most JLK practitioners, honestly, it's #13 — "no thank you" is a hard habit to break.)
Module 3
The Tone Toolkit — Scripts for the Hard Moments
~10 min
Learning purpose: When something big happens — a meltdown at drop-off, a hit, a refusal to eat — most adults default to the language they were spoken to as children. The JLK toolkit is a set of specific scripts you can learn until they come out of your mouth without thinking.
JLK practice standard: Every JLK practitioner should be able to run these scripts from memory, not from a printout. Practice them out loud until they feel like yours.
SCENE 1 · A child is upset at drop-off, arms out for their parent
"You're finding it really hard to say goodbye. That's OK. I'm here. Shall we wave together and then find something soft to hold?"
Named the feeling. Didn't dismiss it. Offered a next step without rushing the goodbye.
SCENE 2 · A child hits another child
"Stop. That hurt them. [To the hurt child] Are you OK? [Back to the hitter, low voice] Show me with your hands what you needed."
Stopped the behaviour. Attended to the hurt child first (this matters). Then curious with the hitter — hitting is communication.
SCENE 3 · A child refuses to eat
"You don't have to eat it. Let's stay at the table together though — I'd like your company."
Respected their autonomy. Held the boundary (staying at the table). Made the boundary about connection, not compliance.
SCENE 4 · A child won't share
"You're using this right now. When you're done, Aisha will have a turn. Aisha, come sit with me while we wait — she's going to give it to you when she's ready."
Backed the child using it (their autonomy matters). Held space for the waiting child. Neither child was made wrong.
SCENE 5 · A toileting accident
"Let's get you dry. Everyone has accidents — I have too, before. Where are your spare clothes?"
Matter-of-fact. Normalising. Kept the child's dignity. No shaming voice, no big deal made in front of others.
SCENE 6 · A child is not listening / needs your attention
Whisper voice, get to their level: "Kai. Look at me. [Wait for their eyes.] I need you to hear this. Are you ready?"
Quiet pulls attention. Waiting for eye contact means they're actually with you. Then you speak.
SCENE 7 · A big feeling during a transition (tidy-up, coats, going outside)
"I know — you were really enjoying that. It's hard to stop when you're not ready. We're going to [next thing] in one minute. What's one last thing you want to do with this?"
Acknowledged what they had to leave. Gave real notice. Offered a closing choice within the transition — not IF they'll transition.
[CUSTOMISE] JLK Management — add 2-3 more scripts specific to your rooms/moments here. E.g. water play boundary, transitions to nap, sensory meltdown scripts. These make the course feel like yours, not generic.
💭 Reflection prompt: Read all 7 scripts out loud, once. Which one didn't come naturally? That's the one to practise until it does.
Reference
The JLK Phrasebook — 30 lines for every day
Browse anytime
Learning purpose: A quick-reference bank of concrete JLK phrases for the moments you'll meet every single shift. Read once, come back to it whenever a scene feels stuck. Print if you like — it laminates onto an A5 card nicely.
👋 Arrivals
The warm hello
"Good morning, [name]. I've been looking forward to today with you." "You've come in with such a big smile — what's the plan?" "It's really nice to see you today."Tough drop-off
"It looks hard to say goodbye today. I'll stay right here with you." "You're really missing Mummy already. Let's find something soft to hold while you settle in."💛 Big feelings
First response — feeling before fix
"This is a really big feeling. I'm here." "You don't have to do anything — I'm just going to sit next to you." "Would a cuddle help? Or would you like a bit of space?" "Your face is telling me you're really cross. Something happened."🔍 Play + curiosity
Get curious, don't judge
"Tell me about it — I'd love to hear." "What are you making?" "I saw you do that — how did you work it out?" "What do you think will happen if…?"🚦 Correction — warm, not harsh
Name the action, show the alternative
"[Name] — that's not safe. Let's try it this way instead." "Hitting hurts. Show me with your hands what you needed." "Your feet are for walking inside. Running is for outside." "That's my body — I'll move it when I'm ready. Can you say 'excuse me'?"🤗 Comfort
The steady voice
"You're safe. I've got you." "That was really hard. I saw it." "You don't have to do it on your own. I'm here."⏳ Transitions
Give notice, give choice within the change
"In one minute we're going to [next thing]. What's one last thing you want to do with this?" "It's time to tidy up. Would you like to start with the blocks or the books?" "I know — you were really enjoying that. Let's put it somewhere safe until tomorrow."👋 Goodbye at pickup
Warm, specific, hopeful
"See you tomorrow, [name]. I loved reading that book with you." "It was a really good day today — I'll tell you all about it in the morning."🤝 Handover with parents
Bring the child in, share warm + honest
"[Name] had a lovely long stretch in the water tray today, didn't you [name]?" "One thing to share — a tricky moment after lunch, we talked about it and had a cuddle. Just so you know." "I asked [name] what she wanted you to know about today, and she said…"💡 A great practice at your next huddle: everyone brings one line they've heard themselves say this week that they're proud of. Add the best to your site's phrasebook. Culture is built one specific sentence at a time.
Knowledge check
End-of-course quiz · 7 questions
Pass 80%
Pick the best answer for each question. You need 6 out of 7 to pass. Unlimited attempts.
-
A child is crying at drop-off. The JLK response is:
-
A 4-year-old finishes a difficult puzzle. The JLK response is:
-
Which phrase is NOT part of the JLK voice?
-
A child hits another child. The JLK response order is:
-
"Notice-and-name instead of praise-and-judge" means:
-
A child has a toileting accident. The JLK response is:
-
A child grabs a toy off another child. The JLK response is: