Physical Contact & Holding — when, how, and writing it down

Practitioners sometimes become nervous about all physical contact because the serious end of it is frightening. Separating them out solves most of that.

1 · Care touch

Nappy changing, toileting, wiping a face, applying sun cream, helping with a coat. Routine, expected, part of the job. Done openly, in line with the setting's practice, never hidden. See Nappy Changing Practice at JLK.

2 · Comfort touch

A cuddle for a crying two-year-old. A hand on a back at sleep time. A child who climbs into your lap during a story. This is not something to withhold. Young children regulate through a trusted adult's body before they can do it alone — see Behaviour as Communication.

The JLK position: comfort is child-led, open, and brief. The child seeks it, it happens where colleagues can see, and it ends when the child is settled rather than when the adult wants it to.

3 · Physical intervention

Physically stopping a child doing something — guiding them away, blocking, or in the rarest case holding them. This is the only category that is exceptional, and the only one that always gets written down.

The test is necessity: is a child about to be hurt, hurt someone else, or cause significant damage, and has everything else failed?

• I can distinguish care touch, comfort touch and physical intervention
• I understand comfort is child-led, open and brief — and should not be withheld
• I know physical intervention is exceptional and always recorded

Nearly every situation that could end in holding a child can be stopped earlier. De-escalation is not a soft option; it is the skill.

What actually works with under-fives

• Get low. Standing over a dysregulated child adds threat. Drop to their level, side-on rather than face-on.
• Fewer words, slower. A child in a flooded state cannot process a sentence. Short phrases. Long pauses. Your voice does more than your words — see The JLK Voice.
• Remove the audience and the object, not the child. Move other children away, move the thing being thrown. Moving the child escalates.
• Name the feeling, not the behaviour. "You're really cross." Not "we don't hit."
• Give space and time. Most storms pass in ninety seconds if nobody feeds them.
• Swap the adult. If you are the trigger, or you are losing your own regulation, hand over. That is a strength, and JLK treats it as one.

Regulate yourself first

You cannot co-regulate a child while your own heart is going. If you notice your voice rising or your grip tightening, that is the signal to step back and call a colleague. Nothing in this job requires you to manage a moment alone.

When de-escalation has not worked

If a child is about to run into a road, pull a unit onto themselves, or seriously hurt another child, you act. Intervention should be the least that achieves safety, for the shortest time, and stop the moment the danger has passed.

• I can name four de-escalation techniques I would use before any physical response
• I understand handing over to a colleague is a strength, not a failure
• I know intervention should be the least force for the shortest time

What happens after an intervention matters as much as the intervention.

Record it the same day

Use the incident record. Facts, not interpretation:

• What happened immediately before — the trigger, as far as you know it.
• What you tried first, and in what order.
• Exactly what physical contact you used, where on the body, and for how long.
• When it ended and what the child did next.
• Who else was present.
• Any mark, and any first aid given.

Write "I guided him by the upper arm away from the door for about five seconds" — not "he was restrained" and not "I calmed him down". Somebody may read this in two years with no memory of the day.

Tell the parent

The same day, in person where possible, by the manager or the person involved with the manager present. Parents find out eventually; the difference between hearing it from you at pick-up and hearing it from their child at bedtime is the whole relationship.

And look after the adult

Physically intervening with a child is distressing, even when it was right. JLK expects a conversation with your manager afterwards — not an investigation, a check-in. If a pattern emerges with one child, that is a signal for a plan, a referral, or extra support, not for a practitioner to keep coping. See SEND Support and the Graduated Approach.

• I know what a physical intervention record must contain
• I can write factually about contact rather than using words like "restrained" or "calmed"
• I understand parents are told the same day, and that I get a check-in afterwards

The situation. A three-year-old in the pre-school room has become overwhelmed at tidy-up time. He has thrown a chair, missing another child, and is now heading for the wooden unit with the heavy trays, shouting. Two children are between him and the unit.

What happens first. You move the two children away — not him. You get low, to the side. You say "You're really cross" and nothing else. You leave a long pause. A colleague quietly takes the rest of the group to the carpet.

If that works — and it usually does — there is no intervention to record. You note the trigger, because tidy-up time is now a known flashpoint for him, and that goes into planning.

If he goes for the unit, you guide him away by the upper arm, briefly, and let go the moment he is clear of it. Then you write down exactly that, tell the manager, and the manager speaks to his parent at pick-up.

The reflection. The record is not about proving you were right. It is about the fourth time this happens, when someone looks back and sees that tidy-up time was the trigger every time — and changes tidy-up time.

• I can describe what I would do first, and what I would write down afterwards